Tag Archives: family

Why wait?

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I over did it.

With food, not exercise. Unfortunately.

And…fortunately!

This holiday season, I kind of let myself slip a little. Okay, maybe more than a little.

But, you want to know what? I’m okay with it. And you want to know another thing? I think my husband is, too. The last few Christmas seasons, I’ve been, well, let’s just say, a little tense. Okay, maybe a little more than just a little. And truthfully, I think it had to do with food.

Both my husband and I commented this year about how much more calm I’ve been and how much less stressed I’ve been. I didn’t really think anything about it, until this morning – this really, really early morning, like 5 a.m. when I couldn’t sleep because my mind wouldn’t shut off. I came to the realization that the last couple of Christmases, I was so freaked out about gaining weight and not overeating that it kind of made me a little too tense and a little too stressed. And unfortunately, I took it out on my poor husband and my poor son. Sorry, guys!

I realized this year, that I didn’t want to be SO concerned about the food and just enjoy the holiday and you wanna know what? I am so glad I did. So what if I gained a little weight? I thoroughly enjoyed my Christmas Eve dinner. I mean, REALLY enjoyed it. But, who wouldn’t with these super delicious, super cheesy, super creamy, super awesome potatoes that my mom made – at, MY request!

Yummy goodness. (I know the picture isn’t the best and I know it doesn’t really do the potatoes any justice, but rest assured, they were THAT good!)

I also enjoyed the delicious ham, the delicious lettuce salad, the delicious strawberry tapioca pudding salad, the cookies, the caramel marshmallow treats, the chips and dip, the rice Krispie bars, the peanut brittle, the pretzel Rolo treats, the cheese and crackers, the wine and THE EVERYTHING else I am forgetting about.

But here’s the cool part. I don’t have to wait until January 1 to get back on track. I don’t have to wait until the New Year, the new day, the new whatever! I don’t have to wait for anything. I can get back on track TODAY. I get to make that decision. And that makes me happy. That makes me less stressed and able to enjoy the holiday season even more.

But now, here’s the biggest question…will I?

What did I do?

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As the weather warms up, I finally realized it’s time to buckle down and get back on track. Before we know it, summer will be here and that means just one thing – swimsuits!

I am not sure what kind of slump/funk I was in, but I think I have finally snapped out of it. I do blame the weather for putting me there in the first place, which I guess is kind of weird considering we – those of us living in central Minnesota – have had a very pleasant winter. But it seems like the older I get, the more I despise winter. It truly gets me in a bad funk. I need the fresh air – WARM, fresh air. I need the sunshine – the warm, bright sunshine. I just feel better, eat better (as in healthier!), sleep better, exercise better – well, pretty much do everything better in every other season, but winter.

Well, spring is here apparently and I am loving the weather we’ve been having. It has been gorgeous! Summer IS right around the corner, I can smell it and taste it and feel it.

This past weekend, the hubby and I were in Minneapolis. We had a 7K race on Saturday morning and decided to spend the entire weekend in the cities. We had a blast. We ate, we raced, we visited with my brothers and families, we ate, we walked around downtown Minneapolis, we ate and we shopped. We didn’t do a lot of shopping, but enough to please both of us.

There is one purchase I made that SHOCKED me. I. Bought. A. Swimsuit.

Yep, I did it. I went ahead and purchased a new swimsuit. Why? Not entirely sure, but I did. And not just any ‘ol swimsuit. I. Bought. A. (insert throat clear here) BIKINI!

Yep, me. I did it!

First off, keep in mind, that I don’t even wear shorts in the summer. Ever. Yes, even though I have lost 50 pounds, I still don’t wear shorts. I will wear capris. But never shorts. Even when running, I don’t wear shorts. EVER. Second thing to keep in mind, I don’t think I wore a swimsuit once last year. And my husband’s family has a summer cabin on Lake Ida, a beautiful lake near where we live.

So, what possessed me to purchase a new swimsuit, let alone a bikini? I can’t even tell you. I have no idea. I haven’t worn a bikini since I was probably 19 years old. But, I guess I just thought it was time. I still may not like my body, well, it’s more that I despise all the disgusting stretch marks I have. But I also don’t hate it anymore. Yes, just like everyone else, I have flaws, but I’m okay with it. My flaws are me. They make me who I am. They give me character. Plus, really, who am I trying to impress? My husband loves me. ME – not anyone else! And, he loves every last one of my stinking stretch marks.

So, will I wear my new two-piece bathing suit? Maybe. Probably. Hopefully.

Will it be at a public beach? Doubtful. Unless, by chance, I am on vacation somewhere where no one knows me!

If you are wondering what this new swimsuit looks like, I am sorry to disappoint you, but I will not be posting pictures of me in it. I am an open and honest person as many of you know. I will tell you what I weigh (143.8 as of this morning!). I will share my struggles and my triumphs. I will tell what I eat if you ask. I will let you know when I have eaten half a container of ice cream. But there are just some things that can be left alone.

But in case you are really, really wondering what kind of bikini it is, here are pictures I copied from JCP, which is the store I bought it from.

My new bikini top

My new bikini bottom (keep in mind that it actually goes over MY belly button!)

Here’s this week’s recipe!

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Yes, I know it is after Thanksgiving, but I am going to share with you the recipe I used for a crustless pumpkin pie that my family enjoyed on Thanksgiving. It was quite tasty; even my mom and dad liked it.

I know I will definitely make it again.

Oh, and on a little side note, if you by chance don’t have any vanilla extract in your cupboards, feel free to use vanilla-flavored vodka. It works.

See, the thing is, I don’t bake. Ever. So that means, I don’t have the necessary baking ingredients on hand. Ever. I even had to borrow a pie plate from my mom because I don’t own one. This was my first time EVER making a pie in my whole life. Anyway, back to the vodka.

When we realized we didn’t have any vanilla extract, my husband suggested I Google substitutes for the flavoring, so I did. People had suggestions for rum, brandy and other alcohol, so I thought what the heck. I remembered that we had a little sample bottle of UV Cake vodka and cake basically tastes like vanilla, so I used it. And….it worked just fine. OK, granted it was just a teaspoon of it!

So, here is the recipe (made with vanilla extract) and a picture for you to enjoy:

15 oz can pumpkin

3/4 cup egg substitute (like Egg Beaters)

12 oz can fat-free evaporated milk

1/2 tsp salt

3 tsp pumpkin pie spice

1 tsp vanilla extract

2/3 cup Splenda

1. Preheat oven to 400ºF.

2. Combine all ingredients in a medium-sized bowl. Mix until smooth.

3. Pour into a 9-inch pie plate.

4. Bake at 400ºF for 15 minutes and then bake for another 45 minutes at 325ºF.

5. Pie is done when knife inserted in the center comes out clean.

Makes: One 9-inch pie

Serving size: 1/8 of the pie

PointsPlus values per serving: 2

Weight Watchers Crustless Pumpkin Pie

Being thankful

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It’s Thanksgiving Day morning and my husband is busy getting the turkey in the oven before we head out the door to run our first-ever Thanksgiving 5K Turkey Trot. I think it should be fun!

As promised, I am going to fill you in on what I am thankful for this Thanksgiving – November 24, 2011.

Here goes:

1. Most people don’t think I am a very religious person because I don’t go to church, but I am thankful for/to God. I am thankful for everything he has provided me with – the sun, the moon, the stars, the clouds, the flowers, the birds, the wonderful world we live in. So, I may be a little irritated at him for taking some very important people away from me (apparently he needed them more than me), I still thank him each and every day I am alive on this beautiful Earth.

2. My son. Yes, moms and teenage sons have their “moments,” but we also have “our moments,” and those are the ones I will treasure most. Brandon truly is one-of-a-kind and I love him for all that he is. He’s outgoing, bright, funny, helpful, responsible, a hard worker, strong, caring and yes, I do believe he is loving, although he may disagree with some of what I said!

3. My husband. What more can I say except I love him with every ounce of my being. He is not only the best husband in the world, he is my best friend. He makes me laugh, he makes me smile, he makes me melt and feel all giddy inside. He cooks. He cleans. He grocery shops. He loves football and reading and hanging out. But best of all, he loves me and I know it and feel it…each and every day.

4. My family. Plain and simple, they are the best. My parents. My siblings. My nieces and nephews. My cousins. My aunts and uncles. Everyone single person in my family – whether related by blood or not, I love them all.

5. My job. Not much else to say about it. I am doing something I am passionate about and that I truly love. Sometimes, I wish I could do more. I wish I could make the healthy living journey easier for my Weight Watcher members; sometimes, I wish I could do the work for them. But I love at least trying to make their lives a little better. And, I love the people I work with…my team members that make my job oh-so-much better. I couldn’t do it without them.

6. My members. They are my inspiration. They are what I get up in the morning for. They are the ones that keep me going on my own healthy living journey. They not only inspire me, but they give me hope. I am thankful for each and every one of them. And I am thankful that I can call many of them my friends.

7. My health. Period. Nothing more to say about it.

8. Even though I may not like it sometimes and there are times I want to give up because I don’t feel like I am any good at, I AM THANKFUL that I am now a runner. Yes, I am a runner. There, I said it. I am very thankful that I have two legs that keep me moving – no matter how fast or how slow.

9. My friends. Even though there are some I don’t get to see very often, I know they are there for me and I hope they know I am there for them. I love my friends – the ones I have know for years and the ones I am just getting to know. They are all important to me and have a very special place in my heart.

10. Facebook. Yep, I said it. I am thankful for Facebook. It is such an awesome way to stay connected and in touch with each other when our lives are ever-so-busy.

So, there you have it. That is my Top Ten list of what I am thankful for this Thanksgiving Day. Oh, I did forget one…YOU, my readers. Thanks for taking this journey with me. Without you, I would be nothing more than words on a computer screen!!!!

Hope you all had a wonderful and happy Thanksgiving. And remember, you can always find Confessions of a [former] Fat Girl on Facebook. Click here!

Challenge

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I realized yesterday morning that for the past three weeks or so, I have been on a downward spiral back to my old habits. That somewhere along the line, I have lost my motivation. My willpower. My determination and drive. I realized this after eating breakfast, which under normal circumstances consists of yogurt, fruit, Fiber One cereal and a Vitatop.

But not yesterday. Yesterday’s breakfast, well, let’s just say it was anything but normal. So what did I have? I ate two cupcakes, tortilla chips and a whole container of creamy mango salsa. All before 9 o’clock in the morning. Yep, bad habits, here I come…right?

Wrong. After a day of doing nothing but non-stop eating, I got up this morning and thought to myself, “What the heck (okay, I may have used a different word) are you doing? You can’t go back. You were miserable. You were unhealthy. You were tired. You were miserable. You were – yes, I am going to use the word – FAT. You were lethargic. You were miserable. You were unhappy.

So, I decided today that I am going to challenge myself. I am going to get back to tracking – yes, I haven’t tracked anything for the past week. I am going to get back to exercise – REGULAR exercising. I have been very sporadic in my exercising habits. A run here, a workout there. Nothing meaningful, to say the least. I am going to TRY and not spend as much time on my computer. I am going to ask my family to help.

Another realization I had about a week ago is that I miss going to my Weight Watchers meetings. I know, it sounds silly, right? But here’s the deal. Now that I have become a Weight Watchers leader, I am the one who is supposed to be the inspiration for the others. I am the one who provides tips and tricks and motivation. I am the one who my members HOPEFULLY look up to. But, WHO is there for me? I don’t have a leader anymore. I don’t have a group to belong to. I don’t have to be accountable. Or, do I?

I DO have my members. I DO have their inspiring stories. I DO have the people I work with who I can count on – in more ways than one! I DO have my readers, my followers, who I have to apologize to for not being around much lately. I have my family. And I do have to be accountable. If not for the people around me, for myself. I didn’t work this hard to let it all go. Yes, I may have gained a few pounds, but that doesn’t mean I have to let it all go and gain ALL of it back.

It’s time to get my head out of the sand. It’s time to quit feeling sorry for myself. It’s time to get back to my healthy living journey. It’s time to get back to…ME!

So, who’s on board? Who’s going to join me? Who’s going to start living a healthier lifestyle? One that is going to last for the rest of our lives? Are you ready? I. AM. And I hope you are, too.

Please feel free to fill me in on your journey. What are your plans? What do you want? Who is your inspiration? Share your stories with me. I need you, as much as you might need me.

Send me an email – celbeam@gmail.com. Leave a comment on here. Send me a message on my Confessions of a [former] Fat Girl Facebook site or leave a post on that site. You can visit it by clicking here.

I want to hear from you!!!!!!! Take care and best wishes for a successful journey!

The lake place

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It’s summertime! Although, really, you can’t tell by the weather. Which, on a side note, has made me very crabby…and hungry. Why does the weather play such a big role on my mood, which in turn, plays a HUGE role in how – or what – I eat. AARGH, it’s so frustrating.

Anyway, back to summer. With it comes time spent at the “lake place,” which is my husband’s family’s cabin on beautiful Lake Ida. Because of the weather, we haven’t spent much time there yet this year. Although this weekend, we will hopefully be spending quite a bit of time there – weather permitting!

I don’t know what it is about that place, but it seems to trigger this uncontrollable, have-to-stuff-my-face-full-of-food desire. It’s crazy. I don’t know why, but I CANNOT control my eating while I am there. From the second I walk in the door until I leave, I am non-stop munching and crunching. Doesn’t matter what it is, either. It can be healthy or non-healthy foods, but I just have to eat.

Each time before we go there, I have this “talk” with myself. I try to boost my confidence and tell myself that I can do it. I will have control and restrain myself from overdoing it. But I fail each and every time. And it’s getting a little old. I think I need to try a new tactic, but it may come off as a little rude. You see, the cabin is a small, quaint trailer house that has a kitchen and living room in the main part with three bedrooms and a bathroom at the rear. Guess where everyone gathers? Yep, you got it…in the kitchen.

If there was some way I could just stay out of the kitchen, I think I could do it. By doing that, however, I would either have to spend ALL my time outside or in the living room, which would then take me away from all the food, but it would also take me away from all the people. I wish I could have more control. AND I wish I knew what it is about THAT place that makes me feel this way.

Like I mentioned earlier, we will hopefully be spending much of this weekend at the lake. I am once again going to have the “talk” with myself. I think I will also beg and plead with my husband to help me. He is always so sweet though. I can’t imagine him telling me to, “back away from the food!” Although I would LOVE it if he did. He is probably afraid I will bite his head off, as I have been known to do that from time to time! Nothing gets between me and my food, right? : )

I guess I will try, once again, to take control. If I don’t succeed, I can always go for a walk around the loop – a 3-mile, hilly route that’s sure to help me burn off SOME of the calories!

Happy Fourth of July everyone! May you have the independence to stay on track over this holiday weekend – we can do it, right?

Struggling

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Alright, it’s time for a little confessing from the Confessions girl herself.

For the past couple of weeks, I have really been struggling. I have taken on an “I don’t care attitude” and now, I am struggling to get rid of it, to snap out of it and to get back on track.

To be honest, a lot of it has to do with when my sister’s health started to decline and then with losing her, it has only gotten worse. I know it shouldn’t. I know I need to snap out of it. I know she would want me to, but you know what, it’s really hard. Really. Hard. It hurts so much.

There is another reason, too. As many of you know, I have been working two jobs for quite some time. The last few months have been a whirlwind and I haven’t taken any time for me. I know that sounds kind of selfish, but I have admitted several times that I am selfish person. I need me time. It’s just that simple. Well, kind of. When I say I need “me time,” I mean I need time for me to exercise and I haven’t had that. Okay, it may sound like I am making excuses, but really, I am not. Well, okay, maybe a little.

I am hoping all that changes next week when I will only be working ONE job. As much as I am going to miss the newspaper…and let me tell you, I AM GOING TO MISS IT…I am going to be really happy to only have one job to worry about. AND to devote my time and energy to. For the last few months, I haven’t been able to give 100 percent of me to either job and that has been a struggle for me. I am not that person. I need to give 100 percent or more to what I do and I haven’t been able to do that. I believe that has also contributed to my “I don’t care attitude.” Why? I’m not sure. But it has. And to be honest, it sucks.

Since I made the decision to quit the newspaper, which was a hard decision, believe it or not, I keep telling myself that this insanity of a life I’ve been living will soon end. That is what has kept me going, although it hasn’t done much in the way of helping my eating habits or my exercise habits. When I got off track, I REALLY GOT OFF TRACK. And it has been a struggle to try and get back on.

My eating has been non-stop and my exercising has been non-existent. But I am going to get back on track. I am going to start eating right again. I am going to start exercising again. Yes, as most of you know, I have a race coming up. And yes, it is scaring the heck out of me. AARGH!!!! How did I let myself get so off track?

Okay, so this blog post has been a bunch of babbling and muttering and so it must end. Friday, February 11. I just need to make it until then. Well, actually, I have to make it through the weekend, which isn’t going to be easy. We are finally saying goodbye to my sister…her “Celebration of Life” service is Saturday.

I can do it. I can make it. I can get back on track. I will start eating right. I will start exercising. I will change. It’s a new day and only I can make it what I want to get out of it. If it’s meant to be, it is up to me.

I can. I will. I need to. I want to. Period.

Loss

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I am going to write about a different kind of loss today. It’s not the kind of loss you see at the scale, but the kind of loss you feel in your heart.

Yesterday, January 31, I lost my big sis, Donna, to breast cancer. She was 58 years old. She is the oldest sibling in my family and I am the baby. There are seven of us total and although we are “happy” she is no longer suffering, we are saddened and hurt that she is no longer with us. She is gone. At least her body is gone. But her soul, her spirit still lives on. She will forever hold a dear, dear place in my heart.

My big sis, whom I have idolized since I was little, fought the battle for nine years. She was diagnosed right before her 50th birthday and let me tell you, I will never forget that phone call. It was like a knife was pushed right inside my heart and turned and twisted until I couldn’t feel it anymore. Donna, my big sis, was diagnosed with breast cancer. Not that I wish it upon anyone, because I DON’T, but why her? Well, it’s because Donna could take it. Donna was tough, strong, resilient and a fighter. She fought long and hard against this disease that eventually ended up taking over her body. But it didn’t take her soul. She never felt sorry for herself. She always saw the good in everything. She grabbed the bulls by the horn and gave cancer a fight like it has probably never seen.

Unfortunately, however, it – the God awful disease called cancer – won the battle. It took my sister. It took one of my best friends. It took my mentor. My idol. My hero.

When someone loses a loved one, there is this pit that hangs out in your stomach. Sometimes, it needs to be fed and sometimes, you want to feed it the stuff you THINK is going to make it go away. It doesn’t. It’s there. And I think it will be for awhile. But I know that I need to keep going. I need to forge ahead. I need to make the right decisions when it comes to my healthy living journey. Donna would want me to.

When I received the phone call that my big sis, my Donna, had passed, it was like that knife was there again, twisting and turning. Although we were “prepared” for her death, prepared to get that phone call, it still hurt. It still cut like a knife into my heart.

I know the healing process will begin soon, but I also know that it will take a long time. A long, long time. As I move forward without her, without my “big sis,” I will take all the wonderful memories, the cherished times we spent together and hold them close to my heart. I will think of her often and I will smile. Smile at the time – albeit too short – that we had together. I love ya, big sis. Rest in peace.

My sisters, Karen and Donna (middle), and me. No, the nose rings are not real....we put them in and took a picture to send to our mom!

Family gathering

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I am a little nervous about today as I am celebrating Christmas with my family in the Twin Cities. This means lots of fun, storytelling, laughter, games and unfortunately, food.

We all bring something to share and not always is there the healthiest of foods. I avoided doing any Christmas baking with my mom this year, but she went ahead and did it without me. I thought maybe she would skip it, too. I guess she only made four different kinds of Christmas treats, but I know one of them is a favorite of mine – marshmellows dipped in caramel and then rolled in Rice Krispies. I know I will have one; I just hope I can limited myself to just that.

My husband and I made roasted a turkey breast and then shredded it and added barbecue sauce for sandwiches. Kind of like pulled pork sandwiches, except we decided to make it with turkey breast because we thought it would be healthier. I will probably eat just the meat and skip the buns. My mom is bringing the buns and I am sure they won’t be of the healthy variety. Maybe I will bring an Arnold’s Sandwich Thin with me. I know they are okay and only one WW point.

The foods I am most dreading are the snacks my one sister is going to bring. She works for Sargento Cheese and always brings the best variety of cheeses for us to munch on. My favorite, which she always happens to have with her, is Dubliner, which is a semi-dry, harder cheese with a slightly stronger taste. It is similar to parmesan or asiago, which I also happen to love. She lives in Wisconsin, which is also known, I guess, for its variety of fun summer sausages. She always has a variety of those, too. And, of course, what goes with cheese and meat, but crackers. Again, she brings a wide array of crackers and all of them are the full-fat version. 

I know I talk a lot about my love of sweets, but cheese, meat and crackers are also one of my downfalls. UGH! I can sit and munch on cheese, meat and crackers all day and not eat anything else. I am going to have to keep myself busy so that I stay away from the food table. At least I can count on my one brother, who typically always brings a large veggie tray…let’s hope he doesn’t disappoint me this year!

Have a super weekend…I will let you all know how I did when we return on Sunday. I am kind of nervous.

DELICIOUS!

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Well, I made it through hosting my first family holiday…Easter! 

There were nine of us total, which is a pretty small crowd for my normally large family gatherings. The food was fantastic. I made a ham, of course! (See picture…it was just too pretty not to take a picture of it!) I also made riced potatoes, plain steamed green beans, roasted asparagus with balsamic vinegar and a little shredded parmesan cheese, roasted sweet potatoes, Jell-O and strawberry shortcake for dessert. Everything was pretty healthy, yet super delicious. I was so excited. And my family loved the meal. Or at least they said they did anyway! It’s neat to know that you can make a holiday meal and make it healthy. Now, they want me to host Thanksgiving! I said, "No thanks!" : – )