Category Archives: Body

Hitting home

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Wow, this week’s topic in my Weight Watchers meeting sure hit home…not just for my members, but for me as well.

The topic was being kind to ourselves and how easy it is to beat ourselves up when we think we have failed. We talked about how we tend to turn to food when things turn ugly…we skipped the gym, we made a bad decision, we’re feeling depressed, we’re celebrating, etc.

I have to say it was my best meeting so far. It was the kind of meeting that really made my members – and myself – think, dig deep into the heart of our feelings and so much more. Yes, some of my meeting rooms were awfully quiet this week, but I didn’t mind. I could almost see the wheels turning inside my members’ brains.

I loved it. Sometimes, we touch on the surface of our eating problems or we just give tips on what we can do to pump up our exercise or change up our food, but sometimes, we got to get down and dirty, we have to get to the nitty gritty of our food issues. And that’s what they are. Issues.

At the end of the meeting, I read a saying – the author was unknown – about what food CAN do for us and basically what it can’t. It was AWESOME! Which, is the reason I am sharing it with all of you. My hope is that it hits home for all of you, like it did for me…especially the last one!

Here it is:

Please take this to heart!

What did I do?

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As the weather warms up, I finally realized it’s time to buckle down and get back on track. Before we know it, summer will be here and that means just one thing – swimsuits!

I am not sure what kind of slump/funk I was in, but I think I have finally snapped out of it. I do blame the weather for putting me there in the first place, which I guess is kind of weird considering we – those of us living in central Minnesota – have had a very pleasant winter. But it seems like the older I get, the more I despise winter. It truly gets me in a bad funk. I need the fresh air – WARM, fresh air. I need the sunshine – the warm, bright sunshine. I just feel better, eat better (as in healthier!), sleep better, exercise better – well, pretty much do everything better in every other season, but winter.

Well, spring is here apparently and I am loving the weather we’ve been having. It has been gorgeous! Summer IS right around the corner, I can smell it and taste it and feel it.

This past weekend, the hubby and I were in Minneapolis. We had a 7K race on Saturday morning and decided to spend the entire weekend in the cities. We had a blast. We ate, we raced, we visited with my brothers and families, we ate, we walked around downtown Minneapolis, we ate and we shopped. We didn’t do a lot of shopping, but enough to please both of us.

There is one purchase I made that SHOCKED me. I. Bought. A. Swimsuit.

Yep, I did it. I went ahead and purchased a new swimsuit. Why? Not entirely sure, but I did. And not just any ‘ol swimsuit. I. Bought. A. (insert throat clear here) BIKINI!

Yep, me. I did it!

First off, keep in mind, that I don’t even wear shorts in the summer. Ever. Yes, even though I have lost 50 pounds, I still don’t wear shorts. I will wear capris. But never shorts. Even when running, I don’t wear shorts. EVER. Second thing to keep in mind, I don’t think I wore a swimsuit once last year. And my husband’s family has a summer cabin on Lake Ida, a beautiful lake near where we live.

So, what possessed me to purchase a new swimsuit, let alone a bikini? I can’t even tell you. I have no idea. I haven’t worn a bikini since I was probably 19 years old. But, I guess I just thought it was time. I still may not like my body, well, it’s more that I despise all the disgusting stretch marks I have. But I also don’t hate it anymore. Yes, just like everyone else, I have flaws, but I’m okay with it. My flaws are me. They make me who I am. They give me character. Plus, really, who am I trying to impress? My husband loves me. ME – not anyone else! And, he loves every last one of my stinking stretch marks.

So, will I wear my new two-piece bathing suit? Maybe. Probably. Hopefully.

Will it be at a public beach? Doubtful. Unless, by chance, I am on vacation somewhere where no one knows me!

If you are wondering what this new swimsuit looks like, I am sorry to disappoint you, but I will not be posting pictures of me in it. I am an open and honest person as many of you know. I will tell you what I weigh (143.8 as of this morning!). I will share my struggles and my triumphs. I will tell what I eat if you ask. I will let you know when I have eaten half a container of ice cream. But there are just some things that can be left alone.

But in case you are really, really wondering what kind of bikini it is, here are pictures I copied from JCP, which is the store I bought it from.

My new bikini top

My new bikini bottom (keep in mind that it actually goes over MY belly button!)

Disgusted and appalled!

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This week in my Weight Watchers meetings our topic was portions and portion control. One of my members recently returned from Las Vegas and shared a story with our group. I think the entire time she spoke, my jaw – along with everyone else’s jaws – were hanging on the floor.

Heart Attack Grill.

Have you ever heard of it? I wish I never had. In a world where obesity is now an epidemic and continues to spiral out of control, restaurants such as this should not be able to open. Plain and simple, they should not exist. It is utterly disgusting and repulsive. They celebrate obesity like it’s a good thing.

I mean, seriously, HEART ATTACK GRILL??????? What kind of name is that anyway? You want your customers to HAVE a heart attack? Like this is something good? Obviously, you don’t value peoples’ lives. I am angered by this restaurant. Seriously angered. How can the owner celebrate obesity? How can the owner celebrate an unhealthy lifestyle? Why does the owner wish ill health upon customers?

So, what is this restaurant all about? Well, for starters, if you weigh over 350 pounds, you get to eat for free. Really? You’ve got to be kidding me. There is a scale to weigh the customers and it’s not in private. Oh no, it’s in-your-face in front of everyone so people can cheer you on, hoping and wishing you tip the scale over that 350-pound mark so you can eat for free. And by the way, cheering heavy people on? What? What the hell is this world coming to? Utter disgust.

The waitresses, apparently, are dressed in nurses outfits. Really? Like if someone had a heart attack they would know what to do. Don’t think so. And speaking of that, apparently some guy had a heart attack in the restaurant recently and had to be taken by ambulance to the hospital. Really? It was publicized like it was cool. O.M.G!!!!!!!! Give me a break. Luckily, the guy didn’t die.

Shouldn’t this be a wake-up call? Come on people…QUIT patronizing the restaurant!!!!!!! Quit celebrating obesity!!!!! Quick celebrating an unhealthy lifestyle!!!!!!

I found some pictures, via the restaurants website, that I thought I would share with you all. Really, I can’t even find the right words anymore to explain how disgusted I am. It truly is repulsive. Plain and simple.

Check ‘em out:

The outside of the building

Yep, here are the waitresses (I'll keep my comments to myself on this one!)

Apparently, this is called the quadruple burger. For real? I wonder how many Points Plus Values this has?

The outside of the menu

The inside of the menu

Can you feel my blood pressure rising? This is so utterly ridiculous. But I guess it fits in Vegas, doesn’t it?

Challenge

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I realized yesterday morning that for the past three weeks or so, I have been on a downward spiral back to my old habits. That somewhere along the line, I have lost my motivation. My willpower. My determination and drive. I realized this after eating breakfast, which under normal circumstances consists of yogurt, fruit, Fiber One cereal and a Vitatop.

But not yesterday. Yesterday’s breakfast, well, let’s just say it was anything but normal. So what did I have? I ate two cupcakes, tortilla chips and a whole container of creamy mango salsa. All before 9 o’clock in the morning. Yep, bad habits, here I come…right?

Wrong. After a day of doing nothing but non-stop eating, I got up this morning and thought to myself, “What the heck (okay, I may have used a different word) are you doing? You can’t go back. You were miserable. You were unhealthy. You were tired. You were miserable. You were – yes, I am going to use the word – FAT. You were lethargic. You were miserable. You were unhappy.

So, I decided today that I am going to challenge myself. I am going to get back to tracking – yes, I haven’t tracked anything for the past week. I am going to get back to exercise – REGULAR exercising. I have been very sporadic in my exercising habits. A run here, a workout there. Nothing meaningful, to say the least. I am going to TRY and not spend as much time on my computer. I am going to ask my family to help.

Another realization I had about a week ago is that I miss going to my Weight Watchers meetings. I know, it sounds silly, right? But here’s the deal. Now that I have become a Weight Watchers leader, I am the one who is supposed to be the inspiration for the others. I am the one who provides tips and tricks and motivation. I am the one who my members HOPEFULLY look up to. But, WHO is there for me? I don’t have a leader anymore. I don’t have a group to belong to. I don’t have to be accountable. Or, do I?

I DO have my members. I DO have their inspiring stories. I DO have the people I work with who I can count on – in more ways than one! I DO have my readers, my followers, who I have to apologize to for not being around much lately. I have my family. And I do have to be accountable. If not for the people around me, for myself. I didn’t work this hard to let it all go. Yes, I may have gained a few pounds, but that doesn’t mean I have to let it all go and gain ALL of it back.

It’s time to get my head out of the sand. It’s time to quit feeling sorry for myself. It’s time to get back to my healthy living journey. It’s time to get back to…ME!

So, who’s on board? Who’s going to join me? Who’s going to start living a healthier lifestyle? One that is going to last for the rest of our lives? Are you ready? I. AM. And I hope you are, too.

Please feel free to fill me in on your journey. What are your plans? What do you want? Who is your inspiration? Share your stories with me. I need you, as much as you might need me.

Send me an email – celbeam@gmail.com. Leave a comment on here. Send me a message on my Confessions of a [former] Fat Girl Facebook site or leave a post on that site. You can visit it by clicking here.

I want to hear from you!!!!!!! Take care and best wishes for a successful journey!

6.6

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I knew I had a reason to be excited to weigh-in on Wednesday. Why? Because I knew I would lose. But I didn’t expect it to be the number it was.

Last week on Wednesday (June 1), I weighed in at 146 pounds, which was almost a 10-pound gain since my first weigh-in in April, which was on April 6. I was at 137.4 .  This Wednesday (June 8), I weighed in at 139.4 – a 6.6 pound loss! YES! SIX POINT SIX POUNDS!!!! I was ecstatic. Almost in tears really.

So, why? What did I change? What did I do?

A couple of things.

For one, I have been drinking lots of Vitamin Zero Water and Sobe Lifewater. Both zero calorie drinks, but unfortunately, that doesn’t equate to 0 PointsPlus values for Weight Waters. I found out that the Vitamin Zero Water has 2 PointsPlus values per bottle and there were times I was drinking two or three per day. And the Sobe Lifewater is worse…or at least for the flavors I was drinking. The pomegranate cherry and the orange tangerine Sobe flavored Lifewaters have 5 PointsPlus values per bottle. FIVE!!!! YIKES!!!! Again, there were times I was drinking two or three a day. You know how fast those points add up! Scary.

Lesson learned. Don’t assume that because something is flavored water and it has zero calories that it is healthy for you. It’s not. Plain and simple.

Lesson learned. ALWAYS. ALWAYS. ALWAYS check the PointsPlus values of every single item. DON’T ASSUME anything.

I also cut back on the all sweets I was eating. May not sound like much, but if you saw the amount of sweets I was eating you would understand.

I also cut back on the amount of sodium I was consuming. Pizza. Chinese take out. Chips. Processed foods. Yep, it all adds up.

It’s amazing how the littlest, simplest things can make such a huge impact. AMAZING!

So, I am back on track and hopefully looking for another loss next Wednesday. My goal is to stick closer to the 136-range. This is where I feel my best. I will let you know next week how I do. In the meantime, have a great weekend! AND watch those points….don’t let them sneak up on you!

And as always, remember, you can look me up on Facebook by clicking here.

Where have I been?

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Hello. So have you been wondering where I’ve been? No need to worry anymore, I’m here. I’m back. Well, at least for today anyway!

What’s been going on, huh? Have you been wondering why there haven’t been any blog posts from me? To be honest, I hope so. I hope you’ve missed me. I’ve missed you. Really, I have.

I suppose you would like some more honesty, huh? Okay, here goes.

I guess I have to admit I’ve been avoiding posting anything because things, well, haven’t been the best lately. Meaning, I started gaining. I am not sure what happened. Well, other than the fact that I kind of lost control for awhile. For some reason or another, I adopted the nope-I-don’t-care-attitude. The nope-I don’t-give-a-rats-behind-attitude.

Not good. Period.

So how much did I gain. Well, let’s take a look at the numbers. You know I have never been shy about that. I have always been honest with my numbers, my weight. So, here ya go. I will start back in April, when things were going pretty good…April 6 – 137.4; April 13 – 139; April 20 – 138.8; April 27 – 142; May 4 – 141.2; May 11 – 139.8; May 18 – 139.6; May 25 – 142; and June 1 (just last week) – 146.

WHAT? 146? YIKES. Since the beginning of April, I have gained 8.6 pounds – that is nearly 10 pounds. TEN!!!! I know, not a big deal, right? Wrong. It is big deal. To me, it is.

So, why? Honestly, there are a couple of different factors. One, the weather. Yes, I blame part of it on the weather. I was getting so pissed off (sorry about the language) because we didn’t really get a spring and I didn’t get to see the sunshine much. It was crappy, cold, wet, miserable and I let it get to me. I let the weather win.

Two, my attitude. Like I said earlier, I developed the I-just-don’t-care-anymore-attitude. I wanted to eat and I didn’t care about what I was eating. I just ate. Plain and simple. I didn’t track. I didn’t do a thing, but eat. Pizza. Cake. Cookies. Chips. Ice cream. Cereal. Waffles. Fast food. Greasy food. Fatty foods. Salty foods. Whatever was “bad” for me, I ate. And I didn’t care a thing about portion sizes. I ate until I was stuffed silly. Miserable, really. Gut ache and all.

Three, my sister. I think the death of my sister finally really hit me. It finally hit me that she is gone. For good. She is dead. I know, it sounds weird – awful, really. But I really think it finally hit home. Hit my heart with a big, ol’, BOOM, POW! I got mad. I got sad. I got angry. I got depressed. I got stupid. I thought food was going to help heal my heart, my sadness, my soul. But I know better than that. It won’t. It didn’t. It made it worse, to be honest.

It seems like everything I have been preaching to my Weight Watchers members, I should have been preaching to myself. I guess the ol’ saying, “Practice what you preach!” really fit perfectly with me.

In all actuality, I kind of felt like a fraud. Yes, a fraud. I know this is stupid, but because I am now a Weight Watchers leader, I feel like I have to be a “PERFECT” role model. Even though I know I don’t have to be. Yes, I have to be a role model, but I don’t have to be a PERFECT one.

In truth, I am still a Weight Watchers member, just like the rest of my members. I have the same struggles and battles as the rest of my members. Even though they may not think so, I do. I am still me on the inside even though the outside of me is different. Does that make sense?

Well, I finally woke up to the madness. I am back on track. I am back to eating healthy – well, for the most part! I have never totally given up any of my favorite foods and I don’t ever have any intention of doing so. But, and this is the biggest BUT of them all…I just don’t eat them all the time. AND, I am back to having control over my portions. If I want something, I have it. Maybe not a ginormous amount of it, but I still have it.

I may have had a temporary setback, but I look at it as feedback, not failure. I am learning from it. I am gaining valuable information. And, I am back to being in control over my food instead of my food having control over me. And that really is key. It’s okay that we have a little misstep once in awhile, but then we have to gain that control back. And I feel like I have.

I actually can’t wait to step on the scale tomorrow morning in front of one of my Weight Watchers co-workers. Yes, I do this every week…no matter what the scale says. Just like my members, I am not only accountable to myself at the scale, I am accountable to someone else! And yep, she has been watching my weight climb, which, again, just like my members, is not a fun thing to happen. I feel like I have disappointed her, as well myself. Even though I KNOW I haven’t disappointed her.

I know I am NEVER, EVER disappointed in any one of my members in the 13 meetings I do each week. They never disappoint me no matter how bad of a week they may have had. Why? Because I have faith in every single one of my members. And I always tell them they need to have a little faith in themselves. Which, I guess I did practice what I preached. I found the faith in myself that I lost for a little awhile. And it sure feels good to have it back.

We ALL struggle from time to time, but it’s how we deal with it that matters. It’s whether or not we decide to get back on that horse and ride or say, forget, it’s not worth it.

I know it is ALWAYS worth it because I am worth it. And so are each and every one of you. Thanks for taking the time to read my blog. I certainly appreciate it. And I also appreciate any feedback you want to give. If you feel like sharing your own story, do so. You can submit a comment below or feel free to send me an email – send it to either celbeam@gmail.com or confessionsofaformerfatgirl@gmail.com.

And remember, you can always check me out on Facebook, which is kept up-to-date a little more often than my blog lately! You can view my Facebook by clicking here.

Thanks and take care!

Confession of all confessions!

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This was by far one of the worst days I have had in a VERY LONG time. It was so not good.

For the most part, I have been eating quite healthy. For. The. Most. Part. Until…today. Cake. Sweet, sweet cake. Yep, it was calling my name and I listened. And not only did I listen, I caved. BIG TIME.

After my first WW meeting in Morris today, I had a few hours before my next meeting. I packed my lunch with healthy foods – ham sandwich, grapes, carrots and a sugar-free, fat-free pudding. I also had one of those new granola thins from Nature Valley. I was set.

I thought.

Until that dang craving for cake kicked in. I drove to the grocery store, walked in, all the while screaming to myself in my head that, “I DON’T NEED CAKE!”

But yep, cake is what I needed. WANTED. Right when I walked in, I noticed a leftover Easter cake on display that was on sale for $4.99. It was an 8-inch layer cake but it was only one layer, not two. So, it looked like a really small cake. A small, cute, deliciously good, cake.

Now comes the confession. Part one. Because I felt really bad about buying the cake and because – if I happened to run into any of my members – I didn’t want them to think I was buying the cake for me, I had one of the bakery department people take off the plastic Easter decoration and write “Happy Birthday” on it. Very fitting I thought because today happens to be my mom’s birthday.

REALLY? Whatever. It wasn’t like I was going to be seeing my mom, delivering the cake to HER or anything. The cake wasn’t for her. I was buying it for myself. For me, myself and I.

Confession time again. Part two. As I got back in my car, I grabbed the plastic spoon I brought with me for my pudding and dug into the cake. One big bite after another. Yep, as I drove around the streets of Morris, I gobbled up my cake. My, oh-so-sweet-deliciously-yummy cake. I polished off nearly half of it. Really? Yep.

Yesterday, I ran nearly five miles. Today, I eat nearly half a cake. What the heck? What am I doing? What is wrong with me?

After giving it sufficient thought, I decided…I am over it. I am moving on. Chalking it up to poor lapse in judgement. Tomorrow is a new day. Right?

Right.

(Note: Because I still keep track of the food I eat, I DID track my cake on my Weight Watchers tracking site. I really didn’t know how many points it was so I decided that 25 sounded like a great number. So, 25 PointsPlus values is what I wrote down. Just in case you wanted to know!)

How do you measure up?

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Quite awhile ago, I wrote a blog about my measurements. Or at least I think I did. This morning, for some reason, I decided to get the ol’ tape measure out again and measure three key areas – my  hips, my waist and  my chest/bust.

When people begin a healthy living journey, one thing I think they should always do, but almost never, ever do, is measure – as in using a tape measure, not the scale. People often gauge their progress just by the numbers on the scale. And sometimes, those numbers may not budge or they may not budge according to what the person wants. And if that happens, they often get depressed and think that they are not making progress. That is why measuring with a tape measure is so important.

So, my advice to everyone who is just starting this journey, is to grab a tape measure and measure your hips – yes, at the widest part – along with your bust/chest and your waist – at the narrowest part. Then, maybe every two months or so, measure again. See if anything has changed. I am betting the results will shock you. And, maybe give you that motivation you need.

I actually can’t remember the last time I measured, but I do have numbers from February 18, 2009 – nearly two years ago to the day. At that time, I had already lost nearly 16 pounds so my measurements weren’t accurate from when I actually started. But at any rate, my measurements on February 18, 2009 and my measurements today, February 21, 2011, are as follows: chest/bust – was 39 inches, is now 33 inches – a difference of 6 inches; waist – was 33.75 inches, is now 27 inches – a difference of 6.75 inches; and hips – was 44.5 inches, is now 38 inches – a difference of 6.5 inches.

In addition, my body fat back in February of 2009 was 37.9 percent. Today, it is 24 percent. That’s a difference of almost 14 percent body fat. CRAZY!!!!

My weight back on February 18, 2009 was 174.6. My starting weight, which was on November 19, 2008, was 190.2 and my current weight, as of this morning, February 21, 2011, is 136.8. The difference from when I started until now is 53.4 pounds. WOW! There are times I still don’t believe it. There are times when I look in the mirror and still see the old me. BUT, there are also times, when I see the new me and wonder, wow, when the heck did that happen? Who is this person staring back at me?

So, starting today, I would like all my readers to grab a tape measure and measure your success not just by what the scale says, but also what your body says. If you have done this already and would like to share your success, please leave a comment. I would love to hear about it. Or, send an email to confessionsofaformerfatgirl@gmail.com.

And, as always, you can find Confessions of a [former] Fat Girl on Facebook…just click here.

Struggling

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Alright, it’s time for a little confessing from the Confessions girl herself.

For the past couple of weeks, I have really been struggling. I have taken on an “I don’t care attitude” and now, I am struggling to get rid of it, to snap out of it and to get back on track.

To be honest, a lot of it has to do with when my sister’s health started to decline and then with losing her, it has only gotten worse. I know it shouldn’t. I know I need to snap out of it. I know she would want me to, but you know what, it’s really hard. Really. Hard. It hurts so much.

There is another reason, too. As many of you know, I have been working two jobs for quite some time. The last few months have been a whirlwind and I haven’t taken any time for me. I know that sounds kind of selfish, but I have admitted several times that I am selfish person. I need me time. It’s just that simple. Well, kind of. When I say I need “me time,” I mean I need time for me to exercise and I haven’t had that. Okay, it may sound like I am making excuses, but really, I am not. Well, okay, maybe a little.

I am hoping all that changes next week when I will only be working ONE job. As much as I am going to miss the newspaper…and let me tell you, I AM GOING TO MISS IT…I am going to be really happy to only have one job to worry about. AND to devote my time and energy to. For the last few months, I haven’t been able to give 100 percent of me to either job and that has been a struggle for me. I am not that person. I need to give 100 percent or more to what I do and I haven’t been able to do that. I believe that has also contributed to my “I don’t care attitude.” Why? I’m not sure. But it has. And to be honest, it sucks.

Since I made the decision to quit the newspaper, which was a hard decision, believe it or not, I keep telling myself that this insanity of a life I’ve been living will soon end. That is what has kept me going, although it hasn’t done much in the way of helping my eating habits or my exercise habits. When I got off track, I REALLY GOT OFF TRACK. And it has been a struggle to try and get back on.

My eating has been non-stop and my exercising has been non-existent. But I am going to get back on track. I am going to start eating right again. I am going to start exercising again. Yes, as most of you know, I have a race coming up. And yes, it is scaring the heck out of me. AARGH!!!! How did I let myself get so off track?

Okay, so this blog post has been a bunch of babbling and muttering and so it must end. Friday, February 11. I just need to make it until then. Well, actually, I have to make it through the weekend, which isn’t going to be easy. We are finally saying goodbye to my sister…her “Celebration of Life” service is Saturday.

I can do it. I can make it. I can get back on track. I will start eating right. I will start exercising. I will change. It’s a new day and only I can make it what I want to get out of it. If it’s meant to be, it is up to me.

I can. I will. I need to. I want to. Period.

Where I came from…

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Sometimes, when I am feeling down, stressed, crabby, bored or even happy for that matter, all I want to do is eat. And not healthy food. Crap food. High calorie, high fat food. The kind of food that in the end, makes me feel worse…and remorseful.

We, as in me, really, need to realize that it’s not always food that fixes us. When I am stressed, eating, as in eating crap food, actually really tends to make it worse.

So, sometimes, when all I want to do is stuff my face, I take a look at where I came from and realize, I don’t ever want to go back to that place, to the old me. To the unhealthy me.

This me:

The old me

By looking at these pictures, it reminds me of how far I’ve come and how much I appreciate my new lifestyle. It reminds me that I am doing great and that food is not the answer. It reminds me that I am 50-pounds lighter and a heckuva lot more healthy.

Sometimes, I just need to take a look at where I am and know that this is where I want to stay. Healthy. Plain and simple.

Here, right here:

The new me!