Running, living life, eating, struggling

It’s been nearly a month since the Fargo half-marathon and well, life has been…

Actually, I’m not sure.

RUNNING AND LIVING LIFE

Running has been great good. Although with the rising temperatures, my runs have been slower. But I’m okay with that. I know that in the summer, I tend to have slower times, but at least I am running, so that is why I’m okay with it. I’ve accepted it.

Life has been good great! My hubby and I have had some awesome weekends since the half in Fargo. We’ve complete two races since then – the Old Glory 5K and the Foodie Four Mile. Here are some pics from those:

Al finished in 23:43 and I finished in 29:04. We were both pretty happy with our times.

This was just a fun run, so it wasn’t timed. But according to our own watches, Al finished in 32:30 and I finished in 41:42. Yep, the heat really got to me. If you look closely at the picture, you can see how sweaty I was. It was a really great race though. Both Al and I said it was one of our favorites. Great course, great organization, great vendors, especially Mill City Running. Al and I stopped there on Friday night to pick up our packet and we met the owners, Jeff and Bekah Metzdorff. All I can say is WOW! Great store. Great people. Jeff took the time to go through the shoe fitting process with both Al and I even though he knew  we weren’t going to buy shoes that day. He did a gait analysis and everything. He really gave us in-depth information about our feet and what types of shoes are best. Next time we need shoes, we are definitely going to go back and get them from Mill City Running. Thanks to Jeff and Bekah for such a positive experience. We will be back! (Now they just need to hurry up and start carrying ASICS!)

We’ve also been on some bike rides and have just spent some quality time together. Time I treasure so very, very much. Al and I do actually spend an awful lot of time together and for that, I am grateful. Some find it weird that we spend all of our free time together, but I don’t. Although he is my husband, he is my best friend. I love that we can be together that much and not get sick of each other. It’s pretty awesome. Really, it is. I am truly blessed.

Just yesterday, which was National Running Day, Al and I ran together. We typically don’t because we run at different paces, but he was nice enough to go at my pace and run six miles with me! And not only that, he even let a friend of ours take some running pictures when we were done. He didn’t even complain! That’s the best part. I hope he knows how much it meant to me to have him not only run with me at MY pace, but take pictures of us when we were done. It was a FANTASTIC DAY.

Here are some pics from yesterday’s National Running Day:

I have to comment on the pics of Al and I because there is some significance to them. Why? Because I was wearing shorts. WHAT? That’s not a big deal. There’s no significance in that. EVERYBODY wears shorts. Right?

WRONG! I bought these shorts when I started running, a little more than four years ago. This is the first time I’ve worn them. Yep, you read that right. THE. FIRST. TIME. I don’t wear shorts. EVER. Even in the summer. I wear pants and I wear capris. Weird, I know.

I used to wear shorts…when I was 60 pounds heavier. But now? Nope. Don’t own any “normal” shorts. I have a couple of pair of running shorts, but that’s it. You see, I have this “thing” with my legs. Insecurities, if you will. Is it stupid? Yes, it is. But I can’t help it. Don’t get me wrong, I love my legs because I can run and walk with them and I am very thankful I have two legs that work. BUT……I dislike all the flabbiness in my upper legs. I dislike all the stretch marks. I dislike all the cellulite. Basically, from the knee up, they’re gross. Oh, and apparently, they are ghostly white, which I don’t mind, but apparently, it makes some people laugh until they almost pee their pants. I won’t mention any names. But wouldn’t you agree, Brandon! (Yep, my son laughed so hard when he saw my legs it almost made me cry. Literally.) But, he’s a 20-year-old “kid” who doesn’t know anything. Right?

Okay, so I know there are people in this world who would give anything to have legs and I should just shut my mouth and be happy I have legs. Right? Yes, I know that’s what you are all thinking and that’s okay. BUT, I can’t help how I feel. We all have our own hang-ups. And my legs are mine.

EATING AND STRUGGLING

Sooooooooo, I feel like I must come clean. Food has been my enemy lately. And, I have reverted, just ever so slightly, back to one of my really, REALLY bad habits.

Eating in private.

First off, I must tell you that this is a really hard thing for me to write. I feel like a hypocrite, a lier and a moron.

Second, I am so thankful and extremely grateful to have my texting buddy, my friend, my co-worker and my sounding board, Tonya, on my side. She has been a rock through this, although she doesn’t really know it. Don’t get me wrong, my hubby has been there for me, too, but without Tonya, I would be in far worse shape. Let me give you a little background on Tonya.

Tonya, who was one of my Weight Watchers members (she’s lost nearly 80 pounds!), is now also a co-worker of mine. She is a leader with WW, just like I am. And I so wish my schedule would allow me to go to one of her meetings. Tonya is an inspiration. She is strong, confident (although she doesn’t realize this sometimes) and beautiful inside and out. We are very similar at the same time very different. We struggle in the same ways and we have this connection that I can’t describe, but can only say I am very thankful for. I hope Tonya doesn’t mind, but I am posting a picture she recently posted in a Facebook group we both belong to, From Fat to Finish Line. This is a before and after picture of her:

Yes, Tonya is also a runner and we run some of the same races together. Here’s a couple of pics of us together – rollerblading and at two different races – the iRock Run and the Earth Day Run. Both were 5K’s.

Yes, Tonya has an obsession with the color orange, just like my husband does…and okay, maybe I do, too!

Can you tell I am avoid talking about the real issue…my eating habits and how much I have been struggling! AARGH!

Tonya does help to keep things real for me. She gives me the kick in the shorts that I need. I just wish she could be with me in my car when I am traveling all over God’s creation. This is the worst time for eating for me. And lately, it’s been BAD.

Donuts. Cake. Cookies. Ice cream cones. Licorice. Frosting. Candy. Little Debbies (these are evil by the way, just saying!). Sugar. Sugar. Sugar.

Worst part? It is out of control and I feel like I can’t reel it back it. I don’t know what my deal is. I just keep eating and eating and eating and eating. It is RIDICULOUS! Absurd, really. I want to stop. I need to stop. I have to stop.

Best part? I’ve been tracking it. Well, MOST of it. Yes, there are days when I don’t do the best, but then there are days where I do dang good. Then there are days where all I do is track numbers, not actually food. And the numbers are not honest. They are no where close to being real. Like for instance, if I didn’t feel like tracking because of the ungodly amount I’ve eaten, I tracked like this, “breakfast – 6 points,” “lunch – 8 points” and “supper – 12 points.” Is that real? Is that honest? Nope, not one single iota.

BUT…..it’s what keeps me tracking. If I simply stopped tracking, I would stop tracking. I wouldn’t start again the next day with a fresh outlook. Tracking dishonestly, which wow, sound really weird when I say it out loud and type it for the world to see, sounds really stupid. BUT…….it works for me. And that is what I have to worry about. Me.

Maybe if I actually felt some guilt, which is what I talk to WW members about all the time, it would maybe actually help me. I don’t feel guilt. At least I didn’t think I did. But, maybe I actually do. Maybe that is why this has been so hard to write. Maybe I do feel guilty.

I don’t know. What I do know is that it is time to stop. Stop with the insane amount of sugar I have been consuming and get back to the basics of good, clean eating – fruits, veggies, lean proteins, whole grains, etc.

That’s it. It’s time. I feel it.

Thanks for letting me all of this off my chest and out in the open. I hope you all don’t think any less of me. There is no such thing as a perfect journey and mine is a true testament to that statement. It’s not perfect, but it’s my journey and I am a helluva lot happier now than I was 60 pounds ago. (Okay, it’s actually about 52 pounds ago, but close enough, right?)

I will leave you with a pic from last weekend when we were down in the cities. This outfit was out of my comfort zone and not something I would typically wear, but I did actually feel good in it and it reminded me that I have definitely come a long way!

Thanks again, my friends!

(Sorry, it’s a little blurry and the color is a little off. My phone was being weird!)

P.S. I have decided to delete my Confessions of a [former] Fat Girl Facebook page. If you want to follow me, do so on my regular Facebook page or you can also follow me on Instagram.

7 thoughts on “Running, living life, eating, struggling

  1. Thanks, Celeste, for being so honest and real. That is why I attend your meetings. People who have been successful on their health journeys seem so invincible sometimes, but the fact is you are still making your choices day in and day out like the rest of us. Thanks for being so open.

  2. Dad said you should have a before & after picture on your blog. Me??? I like it just fine the way it is!!! You write so darn cute, I love reading it!!! Love you bunches & bunches!!!!

  3. I just LOVE you! Seriously, you are my rock star. Miss seeing you each week! You are such an inspiration. You go girl.

  4. I see nothing but STRONG legs in those pics, Celeste. Wear those shorts proudly! (I used to be the same way; then I realized it’s my legs that allow me to do all this swimbikerun, and I’ve worked hard to get where I am :) Bekah and Jeff are awesome! Love MCR!

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