Struggling

Alright, it’s time for a little confessing from the Confessions girl herself.

For the past couple of weeks, I have really been struggling. I have taken on an “I don’t care attitude” and now, I am struggling to get rid of it, to snap out of it and to get back on track.

To be honest, a lot of it has to do with when my sister’s health started to decline and then with losing her, it has only gotten worse. I know it shouldn’t. I know I need to snap out of it. I know she would want me to, but you know what, it’s really hard. Really. Hard. It hurts so much.

There is another reason, too. As many of you know, I have been working two jobs for quite some time. The last few months have been a whirlwind and I haven’t taken any time for me. I know that sounds kind of selfish, but I have admitted several times that I am selfish person. I need me time. It’s just that simple. Well, kind of. When I say I need “me time,” I mean I need time for me to exercise and I haven’t had that. Okay, it may sound like I am making excuses, but really, I am not. Well, okay, maybe a little.

I am hoping all that changes next week when I will only be working ONE job. As much as I am going to miss the newspaper…and let me tell you, I AM GOING TO MISS IT…I am going to be really happy to only have one job to worry about. AND to devote my time and energy to. For the last few months, I haven’t been able to give 100 percent of me to either job and that has been a struggle for me. I am not that person. I need to give 100 percent or more to what I do and I haven’t been able to do that. I believe that has also contributed to my “I don’t care attitude.” Why? I’m not sure. But it has. And to be honest, it sucks.

Since I made the decision to quit the newspaper, which was a hard decision, believe it or not, I keep telling myself that this insanity of a life I’ve been living will soon end. That is what has kept me going, although it hasn’t done much in the way of helping my eating habits or my exercise habits. When I got off track, I REALLY GOT OFF TRACK. And it has been a struggle to try and get back on.

My eating has been non-stop and my exercising has been non-existent. But I am going to get back on track. I am going to start eating right again. I am going to start exercising again. Yes, as most of you know, I have a race coming up. And yes, it is scaring the heck out of me. AARGH!!!! How did I let myself get so off track?

Okay, so this blog post has been a bunch of babbling and muttering and so it must end. Friday, February 11. I just need to make it until then. Well, actually, I have to make it through the weekend, which isn’t going to be easy. We are finally saying goodbye to my sister…her “Celebration of Life” service is Saturday.

I can do it. I can make it. I can get back on track. I will start eating right. I will start exercising. I will change. It’s a new day and only I can make it what I want to get out of it. If it’s meant to be, it is up to me.

I can. I will. I need to. I want to. Period.

3 thoughts on “Struggling

  1. People like you and I, Celeste, naturally tend towards eating the wrong foods and being sedentary. We’ve worked hard to change that, and we’ve achieved some degree of success. When life becomes exceptionally hard, however, we don’t have the energy it takes to stay on track, and we revert back to what comes easy for us, eating the wrong foods and being sedentary.
    The good news, I believe, is that the longer we maintain a healthy life style, and the more times we return to it after “falling off the wagon,” the more it becomes our natural tendency. I know you will get back on track when your world settles down. Don’t you dare be hard on yourself, though! You’ve suffered a terrible loss, and there’s nothing wrong with falling back to what you’re most comfortable with while you lick your wounds and get your feet back under you. You will soon be right back where you were: Running races and being the poster child for living a healthy lifestyle! You inspire so many of us struggling people, Celeste, and because of that we understand that you struggle too. I, for one, want to give something back, and help motivate you during this difficult time. I’m cheering for you as you continue on your life journey, during both the ups and the downs, always knowing that you will cross the finish line a winner! My prayers are with you and your family.

  2. Well put Jim. Be good to yourself and your body. Know we all have set backs, but that’s when we support each other…help each other… and encourage each other. Fight through the tough stuff and emerge a better person for going through it ~ cause you deserve the best life has to offer.
    Hugz to you as you begin a new chapter in your professional life. AND Finally, most importantly, I pray your family feels the warmth and love this week as you celebrate the life of your amazing sister! Blessings to ALL.

  3. Thank you both for your inspiring comments. They were just what I needed. I know saying “thank you” sometimes sounds so simple, but it really means so much. So, THANK YOU!
    Thanks to all of you for reading my blog and being so supportive to me. It’s nice to know I have so much support all around me. It really does a person good. So, thanks to all of you, as well!