A change of heart?

So, okay, I have been doing some thinking. Long and hard thinking. Which by the way, I do from time to time. Surprising, isn’t it? That I do, indeed, think.

Anyway, in my last post, I said I was going to give up running. When I wrote that blog entry, I was not in a good place – mentally, not literally.

I felt defeated…for more than one reason. After the race in St. Cloud, I really did struggle to breathe; my lungs ached and I coughed and wheezed more than any other race I’ve participated in.

It wasn’t what I was expecting. I guess I am always expecting more.

But see, the thing is, it was cold and damp that morning, plus the run included at least four hills (or what I consider hills because I am a novice runner). Sometimes, I don’t take everything into consideration. I focus too much on my time – not on my breathing – and I think I have finally realized I need to let go of that – my time, not my breathing. I know I have to breathe while running!

And speaking of time, I was really shooting for 30 minutes or at least 31 minutes and I ran it in 32 minutes and 19 seconds. I know…learn to let go, right? Yes. I have since let go.

And since I wrote my whining blog about wanting to quit, I have received plenty of feedback. Surprisingly, more people have told me to go ahead and quit and that it is okay to do so. I’m not sure why, but I was surprised by that.

I think in the back of my mind, when I wrote it, I was looking for some encouragement. I was looking for a hint of glimmer or that little bit of hope that maybe, just maybe, I was making the wrong the decision and that I shouldn’t give up. At least not without checking with my doctor first.

I was looking for what I believe I provide to others on a regular basis – inspiration.

I was down and I needed just a little pick-me-up. Don’t we all need that sometime?

Well, I got my inspiration, but not in a post or comment on my blog site (athough there were a couple of inspiring ones!). I got my biggest inspiration from a former co-worker and friend of mine who sent me an email, an email I wanted to receive from her.

She is and has been an inspiration to me through most of my journey. She doesn’t really know it, but she is my positive reinforcement when things aren’t going the right direction or when I need a little pick-me-up. She always seems to know when I need a little something, a little nudge. Not sure how, but she always sends me a message when I need it the most. So, thanks to the running, yoga and biking queen who rules the roads now in St. Paul/Minneapolis.

Erin, you truly inspire me.

Thanks for your words of wisdom…and encouragement.

In addition to Erin’s email, I received some inspiration from a couple of conversations I had and from a personal message on my personal Facebook page.

Thanks to all of you who gave me what I needed.

And, I also have to give a HUGE thanks to my husband. I kind of shot him down in my last blog post and that wasn’t very fair. He encourages and inspires all the time and I thank him for it. Sometimes, I think he doesn’t understand, but then we talk and I realize just how much he truly does understand me and gets where I am coming from. Thanks, Al, for always being there for me…listening, encouraging and loving me for me.

I am gearing up for this Saturday’s 10K in Fargo and I truly am looking forward to it. And I have already made up my mind that I don’t care what my time is. I care only that I finish….without walking any of it!

3 thoughts on “A change of heart?

  1. Good luck on Saturday! I truly hope you can successfully turn running into something fun once again! I get so much enjoyment from it, but my wife Sue is always reminding me that not everyone can run. I used to argue with her about that statement, but have come to accept the fact that some people (like her) just don’t enjoy it, and that’s OK. I’m glad you are giving it another chance. I suspect that by slowing down a bit, and not worrying about your time, you will enjoy running more, and your speed may slowly increase without you even realizing it.

  2. You have been a positive inspiration to so many others…..now it is our turn to “pick you up”…. check out if there is a medical cause before you throw in your towel (or your shorts or your tennies)….and maybe lower your bar a little …there are many of us who envy your even being able to run at the pace you do…..

  3. Have you ever read the book “No Need For Speed”? This has been an inspirational book for me as a beginning runner. I don’t focus so much on the speed, but the satisfaction of being able to run. I’ve been reading your blog for a long time now, and it sounds like you have made tremendous progress. Keep up the good work and don’t be so hard on yourself. At least you are out there moving and working hard! Thank you for sharing your successes and your struggles, it is truely motivating to me to know I am not alone.

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